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People Don't Question Your Value Unless You Do

Please consider this.

The result of adding value to others is always preferable

to the need of wanting their approval that we are valuable

What does this mean really? It means that generally, we often make two choices in our interactions with other people. One is to give. To add value to their lives through our presence, our friendship, our resources or resourcefulness, and at a higher level, through our love and connection. Two, we seek to be valuable, but not through our presence, but the approval of others that we are in fact, important, worthy, or enough.

The distinction between the two isn't really a fine line, but it can be a fuzzy one. Why? Well, a fine line may imply that we have a choice to make. But the fuzzy line isn't about choices, it is about chances. More specifically, we really can choose to add value or not to others lives. But, when we don't feel valuable without approval, we feel like we are taking chances by even considering a choice that may not gain that approval from others.

When we add value by choice and willingly, we create a connection with the other person. When we do so by chance, we do so with the contingency that it will gain the other person's favor, thus providing us with a temporary feeling of value or significance. Or, at the very least, the avoidance of insignificance.

That said, and again, what does this mean? To answer, we simply go back to the quote.

The result of adding value to others is always preferable

to the need of wanting their approval that we are valuable

In short, we must make the choice to add value to others regardless of their approval. Regardless of their choice to give back or not. (Remember, if we give and expect others to give back, we aren't truly giving, we are negotiating. And while there is nothing wrong with negotiating, it tends to work better when both people understand and expect that process).

We also have to begin to detach our feelings of self-worth, self-esteem and self-c

onfidence from the opinions and really agendas of others. What other people say does matter and it can impact us emotionally, intellectually and otherwise. Sometimes we can't help but to react and feel a certain way when we hear something another has thrown our way. That said, the danger isn't in our reaction, this is normal. It is in our absorption of that reaction and what is said to be tr

uth. To be pervasive and persistent in our thoughts and beliefs about who we are and how we feel about our place amongst others.

So, here is your breakthrough. The best way to feel and be valuable, important and worthy, is to CHOOSE to help others feel that way, regardless of how they act in kind. BUT, also know, that every time we make that choice with those that seem to take from us with zero return, we are robbing those people in our lives that truly deserve our personal contributions. So, make the choice and when you can, choose to give to those who seem in your eyes to deserve what you are offering. And allow those choices not to make you more valuable, but simply validate the value within you that already exists.

Questions? Please email me at

And remember, you are valuable!

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